Gavin loves my blog and keeps begging me to blog about him. I've been thinking and thinking of what to say but my mind is so full of wonderful and funny things, I can't even narrow it down to just one thing. Tomorrow Gavin leaves with my parents to spend 6 days in Mexico. I wanted him to go so bad. He just loves the beach. For being paler than the moon, he's so in his element on the beach. Sometimes I watch him and I can tell he's singing a little tune in his head and it's a happy tune for sure. He likes to explore and find "treasures" or "creatures". He has a zest and zeal for life that is so untouchable. I know he wants to live his life to the fullest because I know that he is aware of death and dreads it. Just a few weeks ago he asked me if I was going to die some day. I told him if God allowed this system to go on, that I just might but that he would see me again...he cried and cried and cried. The next day he asked me if he could hang out with me for the day. It broke my heart. I knew he wanted to spend every waking moment with his mom before she dies. I hate that he worries about those things at such a young age but I know he's the wiser for it. Getting a real sense of death in his mind, I think makes him realize how precious things are. I see that in him everyday.
Even though I wanted my wonderful little ginger head to go to Mexico...I'm freaking out. I've always had this morbid thing about not seeing people or things again so I obsess about "is this the last moment" and the last year of my life just made it worse for me. I know I will see Gavin again, but I'm stressed to the max. Thank God I'm sending him with my over protective mother. She'll probably have a dog leash on him tied to her beach chair so he won't get out of her sight.
Gavin was my only child that was planned. That doesn't mean I love him any more than the others, but it makes me feel so much more responsible for him in some really odd and disturbing way. I planned him and now I have to see it thru. Okay, I know...that just sounds crazy and so stupid but for some reason I really feel that way though. I know I have to see all my kids thru but I guess in my "make plans" mind...I have big plans for him....I know...so idiotic.
Well Gavin, here's my blog to you! The things I love about you from A to Z.
A is for ALL the flowers you pick for me because you love to see the smile on my face.
B is for the Boy in you that just melts my heart.
C is for how Cool you are in so many ways!
D is for Doing all your chores without every complaining
E is for Everything you do that makes me so proud of you every single day.
F is for how Funny you are and make me laugh all the time.
G is for Gavin...my main man!
H is for Horton, I know a name you just love because it's in Dr. Seuss.
I is for I LOVE YOU!
J is for all the Junk in your room that are you special "treasures".
K is for how Kind you are to everyone.
L is for how Lucky I am to be your mother.
M is for my little Man who exceeds my expectations in every way.
N is for Never going a day without giving me a hug and kiss and telling me you love me.
O is for On Time...I never have to ask you twice to get up and get ready.
P is for your Pout that sometimes drives me crazy but I know it will change soon!
Q is for your Quirky ways, like when you keep a piece of bark and think it's special.
R is for your beautiful Red hair!
S is for your Sensitivity that makes me know you're going to be a great dad and husband.
T is for the Time I have with you...every minute so precious.
U is for Understanding when I'm stressed and giving me a huge hug!
V is for Victory...you are a brilliant student and a pretty good skate boarder too!
W is for Where did the time go...you're almost 8!
X is for eXamine...which is what you do with everything...it's sooo cute!
Y is for Your Space, which you love to call your own.
Z is for your zaniness that sometimes is misunderstood.