Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Has It Really Come To This???

As many of you know, Scott tore his achille's tendon...right off the bone. He had surgery 3 weeks ago. He went in last week to get his cast off...and yes, they put another one on! NOOOOOOOO, say it isn't so...two and half more weeks. He came home with this handicap tag. Okay, here's the deal...I'm 36 and as much as I hate this tag and think "what the heck has happened to us"...I'm actually giddy about this whole thing. The fact that we have "special parking privleges"...is so exciting to me. Is this so bad of me? I mean, seriously, think of this..Scott had brain surgery last year and couldn't even walk on his own...yet...no handicap tag...and I was 9 months pregnant! NOOOOOWWWW they decide to give him this tag....uuummm, a little late. I will be honest...this leg thing has actually probably been worse than bringing Scott home after a stroke. He can't do anything. Our lawns are overgrown. He can't pick up the baby. He has to manuver the stairs on his butt. He can't carry anything.

Help has arrived...in addition to our lovely handicap tag...which I'm sure people will glare at me if I come strutting out the car with no wheelchair or limp...today, a knee walker arrived.

I can't stopped laughing about this thing. It's so hilarious. It reminds of the little dog on that movie Babe. His back legs didn't work so he had this little contraption that he would run around in. It looked something like this. I told Scott to decorate his up.

So to sum up the events of today...my age just went from 36 to 66. Handicap tags and leg walkers. I'm just glad we saved the arm rail and shower chair from when he had his stroke...it's really come in handy. Oh, the little joys in life.
With one leg, Scott's new nickname is Eileen. I'm so politically incorrect, I know...but with what's happened in my life...for some reason, I don't really care. Oh, the little joys in life. I will have more update on his progress.
(club Nouveau is so lame but I couldn't find a better song...so here's to a little 80's nostalgia, since we are getting so old)
To be continued...

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Follow Up to "My Wonderful Little Pumkin"

You have no idea how much I love this little guy! He seriously has been begging me to blog him so this morning I told him I would blog about him before he left to Mexico. So right after school today, he came running in the door right into the office to check my blog to see if I blogged about him....(I can't believe he remembered). So he read my blog and I look over at him and he's crying. Of course I'm mortified thinking that i've said something to embarrass him but in fact, he was crying because he said it made him sad and happy all at the same time. It was like a huge gust of emotion just came over him. It made my heart swell with so many emotions...I can't even explain! I asked him if he wanted me to change it and he shook his head no but said could I please change the music because it made him sad for some reason. I felt so bad and horrible that I had not blogged him well. I told him I would put any song on this blog for him so he asked me to put Soulja boy on...well...hellooo, that song totally has bad words in it..of course I didn't know this until I googled the lyrics. Geez, I've been mumbling out bad words not even knowing they were bad words because I never know the words to any songs. Anyhoo, he then said he wanted Hey Ya by Outkast so I did it but the blog just didn't feel the same. Soooo, I put both songs on once he left the office...hehehe. I hope to blog about something else before he gets back from Mexico or he's going to kill me for putting this song back on.
BTW: To understand what I'm talking about...read my blog below 6

My Wonderful Little Pumkin!

Gavin loves my blog and keeps begging me to blog about him. I've been thinking and thinking of what to say but my mind is so full of wonderful and funny things, I can't even narrow it down to just one thing. Tomorrow Gavin leaves with my parents to spend 6 days in Mexico. I wanted him to go so bad. He just loves the beach. For being paler than the moon, he's so in his element on the beach. Sometimes I watch him and I can tell he's singing a little tune in his head and it's a happy tune for sure. He likes to explore and find "treasures" or "creatures". He has a zest and zeal for life that is so untouchable. I know he wants to live his life to the fullest because I know that he is aware of death and dreads it. Just a few weeks ago he asked me if I was going to die some day. I told him if God allowed this system to go on, that I just might but that he would see me again...he cried and cried and cried. The next day he asked me if he could hang out with me for the day. It broke my heart. I knew he wanted to spend every waking moment with his mom before she dies. I hate that he worries about those things at such a young age but I know he's the wiser for it. Getting a real sense of death in his mind, I think makes him realize how precious things are. I see that in him everyday.

Even though I wanted my wonderful little ginger head to go to Mexico...I'm freaking out. I've always had this morbid thing about not seeing people or things again so I obsess about "is this the last moment" and the last year of my life just made it worse for me. I know I will see Gavin again, but I'm stressed to the max. Thank God I'm sending him with my over protective mother. She'll probably have a dog leash on him tied to her beach chair so he won't get out of her sight.

Gavin was my only child that was planned. That doesn't mean I love him any more than the others, but it makes me feel so much more responsible for him in some really odd and disturbing way. I planned him and now I have to see it thru. Okay, I know...that just sounds crazy and so stupid but for some reason I really feel that way though. I know I have to see all my kids thru but I guess in my "make plans" mind...I have big plans for him....I know...so idiotic.

Well Gavin, here's my blog to you! The things I love about you from A to Z.

A is for ALL the flowers you pick for me because you love to see the smile on my face.

B is for the Boy in you that just melts my heart.

C is for how Cool you are in so many ways!

D is for Doing all your chores without every complaining

E is for Everything you do that makes me so proud of you every single day.

F is for how Funny you are and make me laugh all the time.

G is for Gavin...my main man!

H is for Horton, I know a name you just love because it's in Dr. Seuss.

I is for I LOVE YOU!

J is for all the Junk in your room that are you special "treasures".

K is for how Kind you are to everyone.

L is for how Lucky I am to be your mother.

M is for my little Man who exceeds my expectations in every way.

N is for Never going a day without giving me a hug and kiss and telling me you love me.

O is for On Time...I never have to ask you twice to get up and get ready.

P is for your Pout that sometimes drives me crazy but I know it will change soon!

Q is for your Quirky ways, like when you keep a piece of bark and think it's special.

R is for your beautiful Red hair!

S is for your Sensitivity that makes me know you're going to be a great dad and husband.

T is for the Time I have with you...every minute so precious.

U is for Understanding when I'm stressed and giving me a huge hug!

V is for Victory...you are a brilliant student and a pretty good skate boarder too!

W is for Where did the time go...you're almost 8!

X is for eXamine...which is what you do with everything...it's sooo cute!

Y is for Your Space, which you love to call your own.

Z is for your zaniness that sometimes is misunderstood.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I'm determined to do it!

So I started walking a few months ago. It was going great...the knees were hanging in there. Two weeks in to the process, I started getting this horrible pain in my side...next thing I know...I'm getting rolled into emergency appendix surgery. Was this my omen?? My wakeup call??? Should I stop walking...I think not...workout demons, get behind me! So I started walking again and told Scott he was going to walk with me...next thing I know...he's limping home with a torn achilles tendon...uggghhh....is there no end in sight??? My cousin from Tennesse is coming down to walk the 1/2 mile PF Changs Rock and Roll marathon in January. I'm determined to walk it with her. Of course I'm scared that I won't be able to finish and be completely humiliated when the little cart has to come by and pick me up. At the rate I'm going now as far as training, I'm pretty much going to throw up or faint within the first 2 miles.
I have no idea what's going to motivate me to get my butt going again. I'm so tired all the time, my back hurts, the house is a mess, the kids are crying...I could go on and on. But then I step one foot out that door in that 70 degree weather and the thrill of it all comes rushing back. So tomorrow I offically start the walking process again. The little boys are good sports about it. But you should see me huffing and puffing pushing that giant double stroller around our neighborhood. I'm working on one mile this week but next week I'm going to walk the full 2 miles right into Chick Fil A and get me a chicken sandwich...my reward..right???
I'm planning on taking the kids on a 1 mile fun run this Saturday...we'll see. If I can get a babysitter for the little ones, I'm there! I think it's a great idea and a good example to Sydney and Gavin about excercise. Because right now, I'm not cutting it as a role model in the excercise dept. So stay tuned, you might see me on the news crossing the finish line...or maybe on the news getting air evac-ed to the nearest hospital.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Side order of Saturated Fat, please!

So in my quest to becoming healthy, I also want the best for my family. I told my kids...no more fast food. I mean, once in a while but not the every week, sometimes twice a week, crap! So apparantly Sydney has been in mourning because she felt the need to make some sort of shrine for her love of fast food. Luke was playing with Play-Doh and Sydney came in and concocted this little sculpture in honor of McDonald's...it even had a toy (the little orange car looking thing in the front). It was sooo funny! I can't believe what kind of effect food has people, and especially kids! This is how I know I need to be a better example for my children...why didn't she make Fish or Broccoli????

Thursday, October 9, 2008

One Very Long Year

So I had been journaling a little and putting it on my facebook but now that I have this blog spot, I thought I would add some old entries from my journal. This one is about our last year and its horrible crazy twists and turns so I thought I would add this one for sure. It was dated September 9th...one year to the day since Scott's stroke. So here it is:

So I've been waiting for this day for a whole year! I have no idea why I wanted the year "mark" to come and go. I guess maybe to put closure on this crazy thing that has happened to us. I know in some of your minds, maybe this was just our "blip" but to us it was life changing. One year ago today, I could not wake Scott up and it was the scariest day of my life. Up to that point, I had never even called 911. For a whole week I sat in agony wondering whether or not he would ever talk to me again (literally and mentally). Now one year later, sometimes I wish he would just SHUT UP! Hahaha. I really thought today, September 9th would be a sad day and that I would sit around and be morbidly depressed as I thought about why this had to happen to us. But to be honest, it's not like that at all. I'm happy! I can't stop smiling at the fact that Scott is okay and my family is healthy (for the most part). I'm estatic he survived what he did. And the things that we have gone through this last year...it's amazing! We even added another one to our family and now we're 6! It's been a crazy ride and I'm just glad to say it's all just a distant memory now. One of the most important things that I took from this (besides hundreds of other things), is that life is very precious and can be over in the blink of an eye. The things I said that day could never be taken back and so when I talk I choose my words wisely. I never want to be in that position again EVER! One more thing I took from all of this is that the support of my friends and family was untouchable. I'm speechless when it comes to how I feel about what everyone did for us. So today we can hold our heads up high and say with pride WE ARE SURVIVORS!

Monday, October 6, 2008

Luke's Big Special Day!

Well we did it...barely! It was so crazy by the time the kids came home from school and to my complete dismay, Scott came hobbling home from work. He hurt himself playing basketball during his lunch hour. He could barely walk. I was so exhausted and the thought of getting all the kids ready (Sydney, Gavin and Dylan were going to Tina's....btw...thank you Tina for watching them for me) and getting Luke ready and trying to help Scott, was about throwing me over the edge. I laid down in my bed and actually got teary eyed. I thought...this is horrible. One day I try to do something nice for my kids and I can barely move...I felt like my arms and legs weighed 5000 lbs. Tina called and was like "get up and get ready and get over here". She knew I would feel better once I got ready and was out the door. She was right. I dragged myself out of bed, got the kids all ready, packed their bags and we were off. Luke was finally excited to go!
Well, I'm such an idiot! I thought it was Disney on Ice...it wasn't. It was a giant play with all the Playhouse Disney characters...Handy Manny, Pooh, Little Einsteins...etc. It was so lame. Me and Scott kept looking at each other and texting each other completely making fun of it...hahahaha, we are so immature. But of course, to Luke, we portrayed it as the BEST THING EVER!!! He really enjoyed it! So even though I don't think Luke realized the extent of his "Special Day"...I know he really appreciated getting to finally sit between Mommy and Daddy and not fighting with any of the other kids to get that spot. And I wasn't holding a baby, I was holding Luke in my arms. I think he thought that was pretty cool. It was all about him and he loved it.
One of the things I loved most about it too, was that Sydney and Gavin were excited for him. I loved that they were happy for him and really got into it. I can't wait for their special days now. We haven't picked out what we're doing but they are really thinking about it and they are going to make it good and with the prices today...I'm pretty sure we're going to go broke in the process...Hahahaha...but they are only young once and it's all worth it!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Today's Luke's Special Day

So I started this thing where I want to take each of my kids out to have a day with just Mommy and Daddy. I got the idea off Jon and Kate plus 8. We have four kids now and sometimes finding the time to give them their invidual attention is extremely challenging. I talked to Sydney and Gavin about the idea and asked them what they thought. They were all over it! We didn't start with Luke for any particular reason except that he loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and a few months ago, I saw that it was coming to Disney on Ice...so I decided to buy tickets and he would be our guinea pig on this whole "special day" thing. Of course he has no idea what I'm talking about. I've been talking about his special day for weeks now and he just gets this frown on his face like "I'm not spaycial...so stop calling me that". Today when he woke up, I shouted "it's your special day today". He frowned again and said "I don't want to go...I just want stay home and play video games"....uhhhh, can you say "uni-bomber".
I'm kinda getting bummed about the whole thing because I want him to be excited and he's not. He's 3. I think I'm expecting too much. My other dilemma is that I would love to take Dylan. After all he is free and he is so interested in everything. Then again, all 11 month olds are interested in everything. I think Dylan would LOVE it but it's not his day...it's Luke's....even though I don't think Luke gets it and he for sure doesn't appreciate it.
I think I will decide at the last minute about Dylan because I know that once we get there and it's just Luke, it will be so much fun to interact with him. We really are never alone with just one of our kids at a time so as I write them, I'm sure I won't take Dylan. It'll be fun to see how Luke handles it and soaks it all in.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

My first day doing this and I'm nervous

Okay, so I finally decided to do this. I love to think about what's gone on in my day and always think that I should write things down, but I absolutely hate getting pen and paper out. I can type much faster than I can even think so here were are. There are so many things that have compelled me to do this but so many reasons why I shouldn't. But I'm going against my better judgement and I'm going to become a blogger. I think this will be a great outlet for me. It will help me organize my thoughts, my days, my memories. So from this day forward, my life is an open book...so let's get reading!